"Wait, so professionals are allowed to play against us now?"
- Old lady sitting at the 1-3 spread limit game as TheGirlfriend and I sat down with our 3, yes 3, stacks of chips.
In case you were wondering, yes, she was serious. You could see the fear in her eyes.
And yes, she did win all my money.
*****
I suppose that it's about time I get to a recap of the Vegas trip. As it's been a week and a half or so since I returned, it might look like I've just been lazy and unmotivated to try to capture the experience in words. However, I prefer to think that I was just letting the memories marinate a little bit before serving them up.
Mmmm...marinate.
I really wish I was a talented writer and had some kind of interesting device so that I could present the trip report without just chronologically explaining what happened and then what happened next and then we did this and then this happened so then we went here and saw them do this but I don't. Honestly, I may have even just spent upwards of 5 minutes trying to think of one, yet failing. So if anyone has any suggestions, let me know and maybe the next trip I decide to document here can be less boring for my mom and girlfriend to read.
The preceeding paragraph serves absolutely no purpose. Feel free to skip it.
So TheGirlfriend and I were up and out the door on Thursday morning by 4:30 am. I'm dead serious when I say that the only thing that can get me up at that hour is the promise of neon flashing lights and the clanging of bells from slot machines. Unfortunately, the promised land of lights and bells was still a pair of 3 hour flights, broken up by an hour and half layover, away. Grrr.
We arrived at McCarran at 9:30 am which was really wierd cause I remember leaving DC at 6 and traveling for 6 hours but that's what time my phone said when I turned it back on, so I'll just go with it. This was where we began part one of the multi-part operation known as "Operation Meet TheGirlfriend's Extended Family in Vegas and Not Come Across as an Idiot".
See, here's the thing. You can put me in the most spartan Amish community in the armpit of Indiana, throw in some of TheGirlfriend's aunts and uncles, tell me not to say or do anything stupid, and I'm still liable to make some comment about the hot chick churning butter with the sexy bonnet on. Look at the way she pumps that handle.
(TheGirlfriend: You're such an ass.)You say the same thing, and put me in Vegas and I'm on the verge of being broken up with everytime my mouth opens. (Not to mention what happened the
first time I met her mom)
Anyway, amish chicks aside, we met Debbie (GFMom) and Jim (GFMomBF) and carpooled to our hotel - The Flamingo. Cause nothing says Vegas High Roller like pink birds.
After checking into our room, which included a cool, tinted, floor to ceiling window (and obviously 2 queen beds, mom, geez) it was time to hit the pool. This was a new experience for me. In all the times I've been to Vegas, not a single minute had been spent by any pool - let alone drinking Daquiris, Pina Coladas, Miami Vices and watching a scantily clad "promotion girl" use a stripper pole. Perhaps I've been missing out.
And I still have no idea what she was promoting.
However, stripper pole or no - it was 116 freaking degrees and no amount of mist sprayer things were able to keep me in the sun for too long. Plus I was itching to do some -EV gambling.
CanIRebuy: Hey GF, you wanna go next door and play blackjack while drinking free* drinks?
TheGirlfriend: Psh, does a player split 9's against a dealer's 3?
CanIRebuy: um, well, I have no idea - I don't know basic strategy...
TheGirlfriend: Idiot - let's go!
*
Free, of course, is relative since you're forced to be playing a game with a house edge. Those tricky casinos!So it was off to Barbary Coast for our first gambling of the trip. Thankfully, they had a $5 minimum at a few tables because we needed to warm up our luckboxes. The only open table had just seen a group of dejected tourists leave empty handed, so I was determined to stay clear of that bad aura, however TheGirlfriend had other ideas. Throwing all proper gambling caution to the wind she plopped down and dared the dealer to bust her. Not one to leave her alone while her back is against the proverbial gambling wall, I quickly took the 1 seat, while 5 middle aged women filled in 3-7 seats.
We were off to an auspicious start as the dealer picked up right where he left off. He couldn't miss - every ace he seemed to have a face card to go with it. Our aces all seemed to have 5's with them. We both were nearly felted when thankfully he was switched out.
It was like relieving Mariano Rivera with
Jose Canseco.
Every player at the table instantly went on a run. Our face cards were pairing with aces, our double downs would hit a big card, the dealer started busting every other time. It was beautiful. We were in the zone. Coincidently, I had cut the deck so all the good karma was partially due to my awesome cut - or at least wasn't ruined by it - and the drunk old chicks felt that because of this I needed a string of Mardi Gras beads for every blackjack that we hit.
When we left, I looked like one of those african women that use all the hoops to stretch out their necks.
ok, not really - I had like 4 strings, but it was still fun.
TheGirlfriend and I ended our first gambling extravaganza with a profit of $40 each, 4 beads, and a ton of laughs. If that doesn't epitomize the Vegas experience, I don't know what does.
Next up - Dinner, Volcano girl and more aunts and uncles.
